can we hang on
by MyKneesWontShake
Summary: Somewhere in Season 9 Harvey and Donna have a big argument over Thomas Kessler. Angst ensues. Plotless One Shot.


**A/N: This is my first suits fic, I have written for other fandoms under a different name but thought a fresh start would be fun. This is a plotless fic set in early Season 9. I will probably turn this into a series of unrelated short fics. Thanks for reading.**

Donna fumbled with her keys, her shaking hands and blurred vision obstructing her finding her way into her apartment smoothly. She was struggling to hold it together, ready to slump outside her door and cry at any moment. Eventually the key found the lock and she was inside, the dam burst and big fat tears were rolling down her cheeks.

She threw her bags down and slammed the door shut behind her. Wiping her eyes with her sleeve, she made her way to the kitchen initially planning to pour herself a large glass of wine but then feeling like she couldn't stomach anything. Her chest fluttered with anxiety and her heart ached with sadness. Until recently she had always lived by herself but suddenly she had never felt more alone. The apartment felt cold and lifeless, goosebumps prickling her bare arms. She cranked up the thermostat and went to her bedroom, she took off her dress looking at the t-shirt that was Harvey's that she would usually slip on for bed. She couldn't face putting it on and being surrounded by his smell so instead she got under the sheets in her underwear and tearfully thought back to this evening.

_"I had a feeling you'd still be here."_

_"Where have you been, I tried calling you." He spoke quietly from his seat in the corner as Donna's shadow appeared at his office door. _

_"I went to see Thomas, to help convince him to stay." Harvey didn't look up from swirling the amber liquid around the glass in his hand. His jaw clenched and he blinked slowly as she confirmed what he had hoped wasn't true. "Harvey, I.."_

_"Save it, Donna." He cut her off, his eyes briefly flicked up to hers and she stood rooted to the spot, her right arm scratching her left with worry. What exactly was he thinking? "You think that's going to help? What about running it by me?" His dark eyes stared at the floor in front of her. "Because if you had, I would have let you know that Kessler already said he would stay as long as he didn't have to see you." He emptied his glass in one gulp and placed in down hard on the glass coffee table with a bang. What exactly was he accusing her of?_

_Donna's mouth gaped and closed and she searched for the words to calm the situation when really what she wanted to do was ignite it. How fucking dare he? Nope. She was going to give as good as she got. "You're not my boss anymore Harvey." She felt the anger flush her face. "If a client asks me - "_

_"You think that's what this is about? Are you __**that**__ deluded?" Harvey stands and walks to the window, his back facing the door and Donna. "I was honest with him, I told him about us, he lied to my face and said he could accept this. And then a few hours later he's taking you out to dinner? What the hell am I supposed to think?" The venom in his voice stabbed her in the chest with disappointment._

_Was he accusing her of being interested in Thomas again? Thomas trying to steal her away? Or annoyed that she got involved with firm business without running it by him first? All of the above maybe?_

_"It's a power move Donna! Can't you see that?" He sneered, feeling the affects of the multiple glasses of scotch he had consumed this evening whilst waiting for her. His mind running away with him and paranoia setting in. "He's using you to show me he's got me by the balls. And for some reason I can't quite get my head around, you're sneaking around with him?!" Harvey's voice was loud now and she backed up looking down the corridor to make sure nobody was around. "Do you want to be with him? If you regret this, Donna -" He turned to face her and waved a hand between them._

_"Harvey, how could you say that?" Her eyes filled with unshed tears, her hands shaking as she clung to herself. Normally she would easily talk him down, but normally he would never jump to ridiculous conclusions. He was stressed, Faye's constant monitoring was getting to him and he had been up working late every night for the past few weeks, they'd been spending very little time together outside of the office and he would usually arrive home to find her already asleep. He would be out of bed and back at the office for 6 am and she wouldn't even be out of the shower by the time he had left in the morning. They were almost living separate lives in what was meant to be the most exciting time of their relationship. All this was leading towards a mental breakdown and reliving his jealousy over Donna previously being with Thomas Kessler might have been enough to tip him over the edge. Donna knew all this but still couldn't forgive the way he was acting right now, not when she couldn't seem to get through to him. "You know, I don't have to listen to this."_

_Before he could say anything else that she really wouldn't be able to forgive she turned on her heel, head hung uncharacteristically low hiding her red eyes and tears rolling down her face. Praying she didn't bump into anyone on the way to the elevator. She knew she wouldn't be able to plaster a fake Donna smile over the way she was feeling right now._

Fitful sleep had taken over and Donna dreamed of Harvey, of them being hopelessly in love and then of him accusing her of cheating on him. She tried to deny it but her voice wouldn't work. He was packing his things and leaving and she couldn't move or make a sound to stop him.

Knocking at her door woke her from the disturbing dreams and she was temporarily relieved until the evening's events hit her. She didn't move from her bed knowing it was Harvey at her door and unable to face anymore of his shit tonight, she pulled the covers up higher. She heard his keys rattling and then his shoes being kicked off onto the hardwood floor. Her unwritten rule. She wished she could just go back to sleep to avoid him right now and forced her eyelids shut in a pathetic attempt, there was no way her body was going to shut off when her heart was pounding and her stomach was flopping about with anxiety. She desperately needed him to comfort her but also wanted to tell him to go fuck himself in no uncertain terms for ever doubting her.

His footfalls approached her room and she wondered where he had been until now, she had assumed he would go home to sulk. He had found his way in easily enough though so she didn't think he had been out drinking.

"Donna?" He whispered into the pitch blackness of her bedroom. She didn't respond immediately but he could tell from her breathing that she was awake. "Donna, I know you're awake." He sighs and sits down at the foot of the bed on her side, his hand finding her thigh over the sheets. "Can I put the light on?" She still doesn't say anything and he reaches over and turns the sculpted lamp by her bed on, letting a yellowy dim light cast across the room. He looks down at her hiding under the sheets, her red puffy eyes peering out the top but avoiding eye contact with him at all costs.

"Are you going to speak to me?" He squeezes her thigh and gently runs a hand up towards her hip.

"That.. are you going to apologize?" Her mouth is so dry that her voice comes out very quietly. He wants to kiss her so badly, just cover up everything he has said and done to hurt her. But he knows that wont work this time.

"Yes. But I need you to look at me and hear me out, I need you to know I mean it."

She pushes the covers down and sits up against the headboard, his eyes immediately go to her bra-clad chest and she remembers she didn't put on any pajamas and instantly pulls the sheets up higher. She pulls her knees up in front of her so he really gets the message to stay away from her at the moment. Donna isn't sure if she is overreacting because of the stress they have all been under, because of Harvey's false accusations or because her period is due in a few days but she wasn't feeling like forgiving him as quickly as she usually would.

Normally she could hold back the tears but they started again as she felt her face flush and tears fall from her tired eyes and run down each cheek.

"Donna, please.." Harvey begged, he jumped up from where he sat the end of the bed and crouched over her, wanting to kiss her tears away but scared that she would push him away. "I'm so sorry, I lost it. I overreacted and I was wrong but please, I can't stand seeing you like this." He reached out to touch her face, a thumb swiping away another fat tear from her cheek.

"You know I'd never cheat on you Harvey, I cant believe you'd even-" Her voice betraying her, she stopped mid-sentence, she knew how infidelity had ruined the innocence of his early years and his memory of family life. He should know her better than that after all this time.

"I know." He hung his head ashamed of his words and actions, he had just wanted to take his anger out on someone, since she had walked out of his office he had sat there and sobered up and reflected on his shitty behavior. "I was hurting, Donna. Its no excuse but I'm so tired all the time, you've been distant, Faye..just everything got on top of me and I acted like-"

"An asshole." She filled in for him, finally making eye contact. She wiped her eyes again and pushed the sheets back down to her waist. "If you're staying can you hurry up and get ready for bed because I need to sleep." She wasn't ready to forgive and forget completely but she wasn't going to hurt him by pushing him away. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and he gave her room to get up, watching where she was going. He shrugged off his jacket and loosened his tie as she walked around to the other side of the room and picked up his discarded t-shirt that she couldn't face wearing earlier. She locked eyes with him as she unfastened her bra and put the shirt over her head, it was loose fitting-too big really- on her but not that long and only just reached the top of her thighs. It had been a week since they'd _been_ together and he was really feeling that now. She shook her head, completely unamused and he instantly got the message. _Not tonight._

"I'm gonna have a quick shower." _A cold one. _He jumped up taking his remaining clothes off, folding them roughly and shoving them on the chair in the corner. Donna left the bedroom without a word and came back with two glasses of water putting one by the side of his bed with a couple of tablets for his headache in the morning. She knew they weren't over dealing with this but she was happy to finish dealing with it tomorrow. She got back in bed and turned off the lamp, the spray of the shower from the en suite lulling her into a relaxed state.

She wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep but she turned over when she felt Harvey's weight dip the mattress and get under the covers with her. He scooted closer to her and she turned to face him as he put one arm over her waist with his hand resting on her back, pressing her into him. She tucked her head under his chin and took in the scent of the sandalwood shower gel he had just used. She kissed his shoulder and went to sleep in his arms. He kissed her hair and thanked god he hadn't completely fucked this up in his moment of madness.

As usual Harvey woke first, Donna was no longer in his arms and he felt a pang of guilt as he remembered what happened last night. He opened his eyes and saw Donna was lying as far away from him as possible with her back to him. He knew he was in for a difficult day. He checked the time on his phone and saw he had at least another hour until he needed to leave for the firm, enough time to speak to Donna if she was willing. She had always been a night owl rather than an early riser, it always took her that little bit longer to come around in the morning. Usually he would laugh at her groans as he tried to wake her and tease her about not coming with him for his morning run, but it had been a few weeks since they'd got up at the same time.

Harvey decided to test the waters and scooted across the bed to press himself against her back, brushing her hair back over her shoulder and placing gentle kisses on her neck and cheek until she stirred. Donna squeezed her eyes shut and lightly shook her head with a groan, pulling the sheets right up to her chin. Donna was so tired, her body ached from head to toe and her eyes were still stinging from all the tears shed yesterday. It was nice feeling Harvey holding her, it had been a while. She cringed as she thought about yesterday behind sleepy eyelids, anxiety shot through her chest. She shouldn't have met Thomas, but she had trusted Thomas and she believed she was helping Harvey. She made a mistake and that was one thing but then for Harvey to even think the things he had said to her, that really hurt.

"You lost faith in me." She mumbled, keeping her back to him. She spoke his words from a while ago back at him so quietly he almost didn't hear, but his head shot off her shoulder once he registered what she said. He gently pulled her shoulder towards him, turning her onto her back so he could see her face. She opened her eyes but kept her eyes focused on her hands that were nervously playing with the edge of the sheets.

"Donna, I've not been myself. Please - I know you wouldn't.. I know you." He floundered, not sure what else he could say or do.

"I know and that's the reason I forgive you. Because the Harvey I know.." He cut her off by covering her mouth with his, his tongue slipping into her mouth and his teeth grazing her bottom lip leaving her breathless.

"Sorry, I was just relieved to hear you forgive me." He hovered above her waiting for her reaction. Her eyelids fluttered open again and when she finally smiled his heart nearly burst out of his chest. "Starting tonight we are leaving work together and what happened to our weekly date night? We need to start that again, Donna. Not seeing enough of you isn't good for me." Her hands linked behind his head and pulled him back down to her lips to confirm she agreed.

**A/N: I'm a sucker for hurt/sad/vulnerable Donna, I think its because on screen she is so tough/infallible. If anyone has a recommendations for these kind of fics please let me know, I've read and really enjoyed Torn by Followurshadow.**


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